Smiles that make everything a-ok!

Our department arranged a Trick or Treat! party for our kids. They visited four floors within the building. The activity was a great success, I was harassed, tired and thirsty afterwards but after looking at my babies' photos, it made everything alright.

Marc with her Ninang Joskee

Gabby and Marc, my two angels!

My two boys with Ninang Ruby and Molly.
Read Ruby's blogs at www.mollys-mom.blogspot.com.

It was Gabby and Marc's first Trick or Treat! party, and it is during times like this that I swear why becoming a Mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. It is a tough role to bear, but looking at your kids' smiling, glowing faces, makes the challenge a-ok.

On being left...II

Last night Maam Sharyn, received news that his father passed away. She was talking over her mobile, in the middle of a meeting when we suddenly heard her crying, great sobs of anguish. When I got to her table, and saw her, her hands over her face, her body heaving while taking in air in-between sobs, shaking her head and silently repeating the words "No, no..." as if by doing so things that happened can be reversed, I knew and felt that somebody close to her died. It was exactly how Mario looked like a year ago, when he got the news from his sister that Tatay died after a heart failure.

It was a very sad moment, I couldn't image the pain of losing a parent, actually I don't want to imagine losing any. But I pray that when the time comes, for it will come no matter how much I deny it, that God would give me the inner strength to cry, scream or wail my pain. I have this image of me just closing-in, dead and numb.

Old friends from CSI

I called an old friend last Monday, Doyit, and we gossiped about an ex co-worker from CSI. The conversation brought a lot of fond memories of old friends I met when I was still working in the agency.

You see Creative Synergy, Inc. or CSI is a small agency that was created to serve the marketing needs of the local IT industry. It was run by Mr. Romano, patriarch of the Romano family and of CSI, hence the agency was run as a family business and everyone was treated like part of the family. For three and a half years it was my second home.

The staff was a motley crew of men and women; each individual was so different from the other, it is a wonder how we ever survived each other. On some days the craziness would escalate, especially when there was a big project ahead, or when John did something crazy, then things would really get out of hand. You could, if you’re lucky, witness someone getting a seizure causing a minor disturbance where some of the boys will be carrying the patient out to the nearest hospital and another girl screaming directions like a football coach in halftime. Or, there was a time when I was nearly whacked by an officemate with a yard-long metal ruler! Actually looking back I think his intention was to kill, but a split-second decision saved me, he probably thought I was not worth the jail time. My near death experience was caused by a certain client named Mr. Valentine. Yes, things could get dangerous in CSI, but those were the most fun years I had during my whole working-life.

Some of the things that I miss:
- the stairwell and the two-cigs-long breaks
- kwek-kwek and squid ball meriendas
- occasional beer sessions at Guijo
- ingress and egress
- Baguio Christmas party
- assisting backstage
- my favorite clients: the Rotary guy, Imee Marcos and Mara & Marie of ECR
- arguing with Mike
- peeping tom sessions at the 6th floor
- Doyit, Ella, Mike, Summer, Ria, John, Emil, Bry, Roma & Weng

Below are some photos of us during our spectacular Christmas party in Baguio way back when.


Myself, Bry, Ella & Ria

(clockwise from top) Bry, Weng, Ella, Myself & Roma

Myself, Weng & Ria

Ria, Bry, Myself, Summer & Doyit

Ria, Mike, Bry and Myself

On Being Left

My husband left last Sunday for a week-long official stay at their Boston headquarters. Looks like this will be the first of a many trips he will be taking as a requirement of his new post as Worldwide Safety and Environment Engineer for a semi-conductor company.

Prior to his trip, I was filled with the usual feeling of apprehension that many people feel upon presented with the idea of being left alone. But my apprehension stems from the thoughts that I keep pushing at the back of my mind. Terrorism. A freak accident. Natural disaster. Sickness. Amnesia (as a result of watching too many telenovelas). Murphy’s Law. I kept on imagining that one of these will strike my unsuspecting husband and will make his safe trip back home impossible. Silly right?

Why is it every time that someone close to us leaves us, whether temporary or permanent, we also lose our sense of security?

On people leaving, I’ve had my share.

Just this week, my good friend Ruby left our department and our floor. She now works at the 12th floor; I miss her and our silly wife and mommy conversations. We’ve got much in common - our friends, babies, and our desperation...

Read her blogs at http://www.mollys-mom.blogspot.com/.

I was blessed with great in-laws, but as everything good has its end, both of them were taken away from us last year. Tatay’s 1st year death anniversary was 27th of last month. We are still waiting for Nanay’s turn on February 3, 4 months from now. Both their deaths was a great tragedy and loss to the family, we will never be quite the same without them.

Last night, we were surprised and saddened by the news that our uncle, Nanay’s brother-in-law, passed away in Ilocos.

All my 3 younger brothers, with whom I was very close, are living and working over seas. When they left, I was filled with bitter sadness knowing that they aren’t my baby brothers anymore but, grown men looking forward to starting their own lives.

We have created a circle around us; composed of our family and a few that we consider to be good friends. And this circle defines our lives, who we are. And every time one of them leaves, a link is taken away and our circle is broken. Somehow, that link, that person, is irreplaceable. Maybe, that is why we are filled with apprehension, knowing that losing our circle means losing our very selves. What we are, what defines us.

Without our family, our friends, people that we have shared our lives with, we are nothing.

Introducing...the kulets!

Ofcourse its just a matter of time before I introduce to the whole blogging-world my two reasons-for-living, love-of-my-life, hunny-bunny-rabbits, Marc and Gabby!

Having babies is not something that I would recommend to just about anybody. But nothing else on the face of this blue planet can compare to the experience of having one.

Coffee with Morrie - II

"Whatda...!" i stopped after nearly colliding with a fishball stall. "Doggammit!" i muttered to myself and "Ay sorry!" to the fishball vendor. I quickly turned left, stepped forward, stopped to check if i was going to the right direction. "Vito Cruz, EDSA, Shaw, Vito Cruz, EDSA, Shaw..." i kept repeating, until i was infront of the station counter where i bought my ticket.

Morrie was totally useless during the entire trip. Instead i continued to mull over the thoughts i previously had, the one that had caused me a near accident with a fishball stand. Actually, i've been wrestling for days with the idea to wheter continue the Cold War between me and my better half, and if not, what's the best way to end it?

"Shaw station..." the train operator jerked me right out of my thoughts. My stop. Finally! Quickly, i stepped out of the train and joined the mass of people bent on being the first one to step on the escalator. Armed with my body-twisting and balancing skills, i charged-on to my destination.

At Starbucks, my friend Liezel has not arrived yet. My cellphone informed me that she was on her way and will be there in about 30 minutes. Okay, that means 45 minutes max, "looks like Morrie will be of use after all, got to order if i intend to stay inside the shop" i told myself. After getting my Capuccino and chocolate cake, i found a seat near the windows right across a bunch of coeds who looked like they were doing their homework.

I started reading Morrie while eating forkfulls of chocolate cake and drinking my capuccino. I was flipping through the chapters to see how long each of them were when my eyes settled on a line that read "Love is the only rational act.", and I felt something that only 2 shots of Espresso can do! A sudden realization that there, written on the pages was the answer to my problem.

The only rational answer to my problem is to love and keep on loving. This was an AHA! moment, a moment, as explained by Oprah, when an idea, or something moved you and inspired you to do something good for yourself and for others. Do the only rational act, keep loving, stop Cold war. Fine. But how?

I turned again to Morrie, hoping that again, its pages will reveal another answer.

A few pages after, another line, another thought from Morrie struck me. This time i wasn't able to stop myself from muttering the words, "Oh-my-gosh!". Self-conciously i looked up to see if the coeds heard me, nope, still busy with their homework. But i felt like a bucket of water was poured right on my head.

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see,

you have to believe what you feel.

And if you ever have other people to trust you,

you must feel you can trust them too-

even when you are in the dark.

Even when you're falling."

I was in the dark. In terms of my relationship with my husband, i didn't know if we've come to the point that it's the best it could ever be. I felt that i cannot trust him anymore to make our life and our relationship better. I was falling - allowing myself to fall out of love.

This was the point when i stopped reading and just allowed my new thoughts to swirl inside my head. Then i realized that people who are looking at me must think that the caffeine is starting to kick-in, 'cause i was speed-eating the slice cake infront of me. As i put down my fork, i promised myself to just close my eyes this time and open my heart. If i cannot believe what i see, i should turn to what i can still feel. I've got to trust.

Coffee with Morrie

I was going to meet a friend at Starbucks last Sunday, it was a bummer but I had to. Sunday is “the” rest day but I had to leave the house, take the train, then another to get to my destination. Since the trip was inevitable, I thought might as well make it bearable. A book! The inexperienced LRT/MRT-rider in me thought that it would be sanely possible to read a book while in it. (Evidently, it would require considerable body-twisting skill to alight one and an even advanced skill in balancing to stay upright once in it!) Moving on…I grabbed my old but unread copy of “Tuesdays with Morrie”, short and easy to read, I thought that it was really my best bet for train survival.

So off I went, book in tow.

As I walked towards the nearest station, I started talking – to myself. A habit of the absent-minded. I’ve always took pleasure in walking since I find that I could think better, analyze things, resolve matters by myself better when I am walking. As if upon each step, issues and problems are resolved and pealed away from my back. The feel of the wind on my cheeks and the coolness at the back of my neck gives me better perspective on matters at hand. The problem is, I lose my sense of direction.

After turning right from Leon Guinto to Dagonoy street and finally Taft, my memory told me its best to turn left towards Vito Cruz station. But while the conversation was going on inside my head coupled with the traffic noise outside, my feet got the better of me and took off towards Quirino station and turned right.

To be continued…

Take a deep breath...then dive!

I remembered how it was during my swimming classes in college, our instructor was teaching us how to dive from the edge of the pool. Looking at my classmates I was amazed to see how it was so easy for them to do it. They copied the instructor’s pose – hands on your sides, one leg for the thrust, the other one for support, head first, then jump – and they did. But, not me. Not yet.

I was rigid, scared and ashamed. I couldn’t get the pose right, drowning was a great possibility, and I was the tallest in class for goodness sake! Inside me an argument was taking place.

“Just jump you big oaf!”
“Ohhhhh, no, just give me another minute.”
“Jump!”
“No, please. Mother!”
“You look pretty stupid half-standing, half-squatting at the edge of the pool
in your ugly bathing suit!”
“But, uh….”
“Everybody’s looking at you. Jump!”

And finally, I took a deep breath, then, half-flying, half-slipping, with the gracefulness of a moose, I jumped.

Funny, getting started with this blog felt just the same.