It just is.

I recently installed Winamp in my computer and downloaded some R&B songs.  One from India.Arie I liked, the tile was “I am not my hair.”  A sample of its lyrics below:

I am not my hair.
I am not this skin.
I am not your expectation, no.
I am the soul that lives within.

I remembered when I was young and was still struggling to make my soul be seen.

Growing up with three brothers did not make me a girlie-girl, instead, I became one-of-the-boys, both in action and appearance.  

When I reached my teen years, I was enrolled in an exclusive school despite our stringent budget.  It was my parents’ silent prayer that I learn how to act and make myself look more ladylike.  Being ever the dutiful child, I tried to fulfill their wish.  I tried to copy and blend-in with all the other girls at school.  I sported the “raven hair” with my can of Aqua Net, powdered my face with Angel Breath powder, sprayed myself with Angel Breath cologne and copied how the in-crowd wore their uniforms but in so doing, I ended-up more insecure than ever.  

I was one of the tallest girls in my batch, I am not mestiza and I cannot (won’t) emulate the girls’ pa-girl mannerisms.  (Sobrang a-arte!)  And I was shocked how mature they were in terms of having relationships.  I couldn’t make a boy look at me even If I started doing back flips.  

So secretly, I started hating them.  I started to reject shopping for clothes, shoes and everything else closely related to fashion.  Realizing that the situation is going down hill, my mother decided that we needed the help of a professional.   John Robert Powers.

The course was “Personality Development and Basic Modeling”, it was a life changing experience for me.  They changed my posture, changed my hair, changed the shape of my eyebrows, changed the way I talk, changed the way I ate until I became perfect, a perfect walking and talking John Robert Powers advertisement.  But I don’t have any hang-ups, actually I am grateful, at John Robert Powers I learned how to walk and talk with confidence.  

After graduating from high school I enrolled myself at Pamantasan Ng Lunsod Ng Maynila.  Again, it was a life changing experience.  The school, my professors and my classmates, changed me, not physically but within.  I gained knowledge, not only academic knowledge but hard facts about life itself.  It was a far cry to the enclosed environment I had during high school.  At PLM I learned that a person of beauty is incomparable to a person of worth.  

Beauty everywhere is something that all of us hope to achieve, wish to have.  But sometimes, real beauty, those who and things that really make us happy are wrapped-up in ungainly packages.  

I am not trying to make a point, it just is.