A Million Little Pieces

While going virtual...

2010-04-21T11:32:00.004+08:00

Marc is sick...

i'm sure he'll get over it, but while his temperature is still up
and fit of coughs send his small frame violently shaking...
i'm beside myself with worry.

Atleast, he's not had an asthma attack (yey! to Montelukast
and Seretide and thanks! to Dra. Ninang Lanie )...that would've
been the straw that will break this horse's back!

And i only have 2 kids...how did my parents manage with 7?

If i may be allowed a moment of weakness...

2010-04-19T20:47:00.003+08:00

April 8, 2010 is the date when i experienced my first broken heart...

the first man i loved...kissed...hugged...hated...adored...took care of...

left

although it's been years since we've been skirting the issue of goodbyes,
nothing ever prepared me to face the actual loss.

what would i give if i can be given just a minute to be with him...
to hold his hand again...tell him how much i love him, miss him.

he should never have left like that...one moment well then the next...

gone

im sorry i didn't hold your hand more, i never told you how much
i love you when things were still breezy...and how terribly i'd miss
you when your'e gone...

this is the toughest challenge of my life right now...acceptance

successes that i can't share with you
activities that we wont be doing
places that we won't be seeing

i will never forget you, 35 years we've spent together is something
that even a lifetime won't be able to erase.

"See you tomorrow" were the words that we last shared...
a promise that never happened.

I guess "See you soon" would have been more appropriate...
but who could've known?

I love you Papa...i miss you.

Family Milestone

2009-02-22T23:05:00.003+08:00

Roll of Successful Examinees in the
NURSE LICENSURE EXAMINATION
Held on NOVEMBER 29 & 30, 2008 Page:290 of 791
Released on FEBRUARY 18, 2009

...
14420 ESCANDOR, FRANCIS GREFALDA
14421 ESCANDOR, IRISH ANNE SANTIAGO
14422 ESCANER, MARY GRACE QUANICO
14423 ESCANER, STELLA GONO
14424 ESCANILLA, MA FATIMA TAPAYAN
14425 ESCANLAR, CHERRY MAE GANZA
14426 ESCANLAR, RISSA GENN RONQUILLO
14427 ESCANO, RIA ASUELO ...

Congratulations Faith! We're all proud of you!

I wish i knew

2008-11-29T02:04:00.002+08:00

How long does it take to know a person
Well enough
To know when she loves you
The way you are and expect nothing in return?

How long should you be with her to know that
she’s is quiet when she’s happy
she’s restless when disturbed
she’s sad most of the time but doesn’t show it
the world has problems enough on its own.

Did you know that most people hate her for her insensitiveness
But holds her tongue so as not to hurt your feelings?
Whenever did she make you feel inadequate?
Although the fingers on her hands are not enough to count
The things that she hates about you and the things that she wishes you were more of.

She’s not perfect, that she is most aware of.
Many a things she is not
Sweet
Gentle
Meek
Friendly
Patient
Traits you might want her more to be…but is not.

But are the words loyal, sincere, ally, friend, confidant mean anything to you?

Tell You Something

2008-07-24T12:55:00.006+08:00

Get so caught up everyday
trying to keep it all together
While the time just slips away
I know nothing last forever

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn’t see your face
There’d be no limit to my sorrow
So all I can say is

I want to tell you something
Give you something
Show you in so many ways
‘Cause it would all mean nothing
If I don’t say something
Before it all blows away

Don’t want to wait to bring you flowers
Wait another hour
Let alone another day
I want to tell you something
Show you something
Won’t wait till its too late

Just a simple conversation
Just a moment is all it takes
I want to be here just to listen
And I don’t want to hesitate

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn’t see your face
There’d be no limit to my sorrow
‘Cause there is nothing that could fill that space
Ohh, did I put it off for too long?
I didn’t say all that I have to say
I want to take the time to right the wrong
Before we get to that place

Just lean on my shoulder, it’s not over till its over
Don’t worry ‘bout it,
cause I’m going to make sure our bond gets stronger
I don’t want to wait until the storm, when something’s wrong
and now you’re gone
And I can’t find you

the person whom Alicia Keys dedicated this song to must've been someone really special...
if had the talent i would've written this for my husband, my dad, my mom...

...I love you...

Turning into The Devil...not in Prada

2008-03-14T15:44:00.004+08:00

Those who watched the Anne Hathaway-starred flick know that its message is directed to workaholic females unintentionally blurring the lines between work and personal life.

I've realized that i am committing the same mistake...dangerously tittering over the edge...

In the movie, Andy, our heroine became so deeply absorbed in her new job that it caused her to split with her boyfriend and distanced herself from her friends. Work became her world, her security, work stress is her excuse for every thoughtless action or word towards others around her.

I am guilty...i've been inconsiderate to my husband...i've been insensitive to my parent's needs...

She almost became a Miranda-clone (the Devil), thankfully towards the end of the movie she realized that she doesn't want to be like her. That kind of life is not for her, Andy is not like Miranda. There are other things in her life that are more important.

Today, I have realized that I am slowly turning into a devil through two email messages from friends...thanks to Pamy and Grace...i have become aware...i'm enlightened

"The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank...these create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. "

"Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako'y masungit, dala na marahil ito ng katandaan.
Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin."

I vow to recover from my mistakes, I promise to find the will to turn away from work when I need to, I will declare that my time with family and friends are holy and should be respected.

I'm One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!

2007-08-08T11:42:00.000+08:00

Jeez...not only am i so intrigued by the book and the movie...

If i were a book, I'm One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!by Ken Kesey.

You're crazy. This has led people to attempt to confine you to a safe place so that you don't pose a danger to yourself or others. You feel like you pose a great danger to the man (or maybe the woman) or whatever else is keeping you down. But most of the time, you just end up being observed. Were you crazy before you were confined?

Take the Book Quiz!

Visit Blue Pyramid.

Contratulations to me!

2007-06-28T16:27:00.001+08:00

Last January 6, 2006, in my entry Wishful Thinking I stated 5 things that I wanted to do in 2006. Two of them I have been able to attain already!

1. Find a haircut that suits me.
I think i'll keep this one. Really low maintenance.

2. Say goodbye to at least one creditor. Yahoo!

Where's my mojo?

2007-06-21T18:32:00.000+08:00

I have been not in the mood to write for quite some time now.

I'm too distracted with soooooo many things to even bother sharing.

Most of the time i'm just too plain tired.

Or plain bored.

I'm just tired and bored. I need to do something that will make me happy!

Even my latest trip to Bohol and frolick with the dolphins wasn't enough
to squeeze out my interest to write.

"DKulets" have been left untouched forever...can you imagine? Birthday parties, outings and a number of adorable candids have been left untouched in my memory chip. You'd fail to recognize whose who among the two once i've uploaded them.

I think i need to go shopping...

Lifesavers

2007-03-28T11:09:00.000+08:00

“I get high with a little help from my friends. Oh! I get high with a little help from my friends.”

We’re not really sure from which perspective the Beatles were coming from when they wrote this lyric but I most certainly can relate to it.

Acquaintances, I have many. But friends, they are few and far in between. Those that I treasure have been, once or twice, messengers of the Lord to me and more often lifesavers; without whom my life may have been so down in the dumps.

So to my friends, all of whom I love dearly, thanks!

Neri – thanks for being so steadfast. A living bond to my not so distant past, you are always there to listen and give reason to laugh at life! You’ve always made me smile.

Doyit and Ella – I’ve never met anybody else with whom I could just be Me. When I think about both of you, I think about my room - a special place, my secret garden. A place where I can take off all my pretensions, apprehensions and be scared, ugly, stupid, weak, vain, quiet, loud and mean all at the same time and still not be judged by being so. Mountaineers need to go and climb peaks to find their release, mine is just a phone call away.

Summer – ironically, I’ll need the rest of the seasons to fully describe what you mean to me. Let’s just say that I would love to have you as my Ate.

Ruby – my incidental friend. If there is anything that I must thank the “Miami Vice” for, it could only be you. I’ve read in Papemelrotti and a thousand other trinket “Friends are God’s angels...” So true.

There are still others that I call friends to whom I would give an arm and a leg whenever they need it, and I’m pretty sure they would do to if it would be my turn. But the people above, I could not live without.

I'll have to make a special mention, a friend without whom this blog would not survive:

Kateh – is there anybody here on earth who is not your friend? If there is, I am so sorry for the person. True, I am older, and wiser? but, I feel that there is so much to learn about so many things when I am with you. You are such inspiration. I lav yah!

Suhol

2007-02-21T11:54:00.000+08:00

What happened to my organizing skills?!

I feel so guilty and frustrated, i forgot that i have an important activity on March 3 with
my close friends. :-)

How can i make it up to you, Ruby and Kateh?

I'll bring lechon from Cebu, you like?

Sink or Swim?

2007-01-18T13:47:00.000+08:00

January 8, 2007 , Monday

I was diagnosed as Diabetic...my blood sugar levels was so high in the test results that even my endocrinologist was surprised. She found it pretty funny, she was actually laughing in disbelief. I was ready to faint. Devastated.

What was there left for me to do? I am already diabetic, same with my father. I already saw my future, knew what was coming. Should I Sink or Swim?

Here is my dad, 25 years diabetic, with kidney failure, during one of his dialysis treatment.

He's adjusted quite well in his situation. 25 years ago he chose to swim and I know that it has been a long and trying effort. There was a brief moment when he wanted to sink, give up, he told me that he wanted to die right after we left the hospital last October. I guess we are allowed that once in a while, us being human.

He is my new hero, my measuring stick. He lived with diabetes all these years, so will I. He had kidney failure as a complication, i won't.

Two weeks after my diagnosis, and with normal blood sugar level, thanks to the meds that i've been taking and a more sensible diet, I've come to accept and embrace what is.

So, diet, exercise and meds. I guess that's not so bad is it?

Can you believe the time...?

2006-12-04T12:34:00.000+08:00

It's been three months since my last entry and sooooo many things have happened. So many things have changed.

A "play" button has been activated in my life and there seems to be no "pause". I hope that the "fast forward" especially the "stop" buttons will not be pressed for some time, not now, not yet.

Papa's dialysis has barged into and disrupted our quite lives like a locomotive, big, black, fast and scary, and it has been chasing us ever since. No words can describe how hard it has been now for our family...emotionally, physically and financially. It is only by the grace of God and with the great love we have for our dad that the family can still start and end each day with much hope and faith for the future.

The good thing is we are much stronger and closer now as a family. I've also come to fully appreciate having a husband who is understanding, generous and supportive especially during my time of weakness and need.

Life is just too precious for us to waste. Time just flies too fast for us to take for granted.

“I AM NOT HAPPY…”

2006-09-04T11:33:00.000+08:00

I just thought that I should write it down, to make it more susceptible for scrutinizing. Because why on earth should I be unhappy?!

I’ve got a job.
I’ve got two happy and healthy kids.
I’ve still got both my parents.
I’ve a husband.

So why do I feel so glum, unsettled and just so vacant inside?

Just for the record, my two kids are the only source of light I’ve got going on in my life right now. Everything else is just so BLAH!

I’ve no interest in going to work. I’ve no interest in talking to anybody. I’ve no interest in anything! I’m running on auto-pilot, just going about my business with no point of direction at all. I don’t even have that confined, caged feeling of someone who wants to go out and change or do something with her life. I just want everything to stop and everyone else to leave me alone.

Cancer Sticks

2006-08-29T19:03:00.000+08:00

Let me start by saying, with great affirmation, that "Smoking Kills!"

Sisters and Brothers in Smoke! GIVE IT UP!

I've just undergone surgery on my right boobie last thursday at the Manila Doctors Hospital. BTW, my great love and respect goes to Dra. Silao for being so kind and patient with me all the time. I've got to admit that having a patient with very low tolerance for pain and melodramatic tendencies could be such a drag to a surgeon such as she. I would cry like a child everytime she would as much as come 5 feet close to my bumpers.

It all started, August 4, when I started to feel a slight pain on my breast, but since I was confident that I will be having menstruation soon, I dismissed it as a pre-menstrual pain. I went about my usual activities, but after 4 days the pain was getting worse that I decided to contact my O.B., who also by the way, is a good friend. And being so, he told me to take pain killers and go easy with S&M activities during sex. As if...funny...how i wish...possible...a little bit tricky with both kids in the same room...but....

Of course that wasn't the cause of the pain! Anyway, i digress...

After 4 days of taking meds,

"4 is really a cursed number didn't you notice, 444 new number of the devil!"

I felt a small lump under my right nipple. Waaaah! End of the World!

The very next day I went to show it to Dra. Silao and Dr. Capitulo. I had an ultra sound and it confirmed the Ductal Ectasia. This only means that my milk duct has been clogged and the oils and fluids that it excretes cannot go out, ergo the lump. And guess what caused the clogging? Cancer sticks! The nicotine causes my ducts' lining to thicken and blocks the excretions.

Dra. Silao scheduled my operation a week after the results came out and during the span of that week, the duct exploded already and caused an infection inside my boobs. My right boobs inflated atleast 10% bigger and I was in pain 24 hours a day. Do i have squirming in your seats now? Now let me add another bit of information, the wound on my breast was kept open, until now, until the time my doctor is sure that there is no more infection. Every other day, I have to go and visit her to have the it checked and cleaned.

Are you still up to find out the whole painful process of the cleaning? Nope, guess so, I know I'm not.

This whole experience made me realize the smoking can really kill you, not now, but soon. I was lucky that I get to realize it early, thanks for my ducts, and now I swear on both my breasts that I will stop smoking and continue to get those cancer sticks out of my life!

Hope you do too!

In a perfect world, all bosses will be perfect.

2006-07-07T17:20:00.000+08:00

Jack Welch couldn't have put it in words any better than that!

I really felt bad today, for about an hour i felt like a victim. Victim of a bad boss.

I will not narrate the reason for my self-pity, it's just that I really felt
that the comment made towards me was uncalled for and unreasonable.

In his book Winning!, Jack Welch provided guide questions to be used
by employees like me whenever we feel like victims of bad bosses:

1. Why is my boss acting like a jerk?
2. What's the end-game for my boss?
3. What will happen to me if i deliver and endure my bad boss?
4. Why do I work here anyway?

Most importantly, Jack Welch said:

"When you get a bad boss, first find out if you are the problem. That's not easy but in many cases, a bad boss is just a disappointed one.

If you're convinced that you aren't the problem, ask yourself if the company is likely to keep a bad boss with good results. If the answer is yes, the only thing left to do is look at the trade-offs you are willing to make. Is your job worth the price of enduring a bad boss?

If so, put up and shut up, to put a twist in the old saying."

And...

"in any bad boss situation, you cannot let yourself be a victim."

I miss my papa.

2006-06-21T19:07:00.000+08:00

There are smells that take you back in time. Smells that bring back memories, nice, bad, happy or sometimes sad.

This afternoon the office smelled just like how I remembered my Papa's workplace smelled when I was ten or eleven years old. A distinct sanitized smell that I associate with computers and big electronic hardware. Like in a server room or a room full of computers.

During Saturdays, when he had to work, he would take me and my brothers with him. A ten year old kid looks forward to trips like these. The whole Telecoms Plaza building, all eight stories of it, airconditioned, with locked rooms and cabinets was a perfect place for my brother's and I to explore and make use our imagination.

We'd go up and down the elevator and stairs, crawl under tables, play hide & seek among the number of uninhabited rooms and cubicles. In the afternoon, we would sometimes fall sleep on the bare carpet under the big conference table while imagining what we would be like when we grow up.

I remember that my Dad will have the guard look for us during lunch and we will go to the office cafeteria and make us order whatever we want. I also remember when he showed us how to use the multicolored wires, found inside the big fat cable wires lying around in Engineer's room, to make ID strings.

I miss Papa, i wish we could be together more often.

Rainbow Brite Land

2006-05-05T10:35:00.000+08:00

10:04 am
It's been a slow morning so far...

Last night, I went to watch Mario's underwater hockey game and I realized that I miss my easygoing CSI days.

Miss Doyit, Ella, John, Summer, Mike...until now I'm still nostalgic.

I tried to visit Ella's website to get in touch, but to my disappointment its under construction and now cotton candy pink. Rainbow Brite land. How cute...

Oh well, I hope she won't forget to announce when her pink, swirly, candy colored world will open. I just can't wait to see what's inside of it.

Exhale...

2006-04-27T19:27:00.000+08:00

I have been distracted for the past two months from the things that gives me great pleasure and freedom.

I miss my blog, i miss my blogger friends, i miss reading your posts, and exchanging messages...

There's been a major change in my career and this change has turned my easy-going life to chaotic. I was hoping that the rat-race will be temporary, a wired and tense state while I am still adjusting, but looks like it is going to be the norm.

I am loosing weight and it is not because of diet or exercise. It's more due to stress really.

I think that this will be the first of many rants that i will be posting from hereon.

Please bear with me.

Soy, condolence my friend. There are still a lot of people to pass your love around.

I've been tagged!

2006-03-23T10:59:00.000+08:00

I do not know who will be interested to know these things about me, but what the heck! I've been tagged. Thanks to Kateh...

4 jobs I've had in my life:
a. Account Executive (Advertising)
b. Ads & Promo Officer
c. Web Content Editor
d. Projects Supervisor(currently)

4 films I can watch over and over:
a. Sound of Music

4 places I have lived:
a. Sucat, Paranaque
b. Las Pinas, Paranaque
c. Molino, Cavite
d. Leon Guinto, Malate

4 TV programs I love to watch:
a. CSI
b. Discovery
c. Iron Chef & Iron Chef America
d. Lifestyle Channel's Cooking shows

4 places I would have visited had I had the money:
a. Tuscany
b. New Zealand
c. Canada during fall
d. Hawaii

4 websites i visit daily:
a. MSN

4 of my favorite foods:
a. i don't have a favorite food, i will try anything as long as it's not a reptile, insect, sucks blood or anything that crawls

4 places where I would want to die:
a. my bed

4 people (living/dead) who you want to meet:
a. Oprah
b. President GMA
c. My Lolo - Father side
d. Mary Mother of Jesus

4 Places Ive been on Vacation (the last four)
a. Boracay
b. Ilocos
c. Sagada
d. Hong Kong

4 Places I would Rather Be Right Now
a. near Gabby, Marc & Mario
b. with my family in Cavite
c. Boracay
d. Mall with shopping money

Aaah, Boracay! Stil standing after 15!

2006-03-15T14:18:00.000+08:00

Mario made his mark.

We spent our first night in Boracay at Cocomangas. Mario downed all 15 shots and remained standing after. He was so delighted because he had the waitresses' attention, proud of his macho-man image, like a cock in a coop filled with hens.

What did I think about all that, well, the truth is, I also had a great time. It was fun to see him make a monkey out of himself!

Men and women really see and interpret the same things differently.

Piece o' cake! Mario after his third shot.

Monkeying around after the last gulp.

There is a truth to the saying "In all of man's accomplishments, there is always a woman behind it."

The next day, Mario's name was already on the wall of Cocomangas.

"Thanks to my wife 4 D support." What did I tell ya!

Outside Cocomangas with the giant singkamas!

Aaah, Boracay!

2006-03-04T10:44:00.000+08:00

I have been indoctrinated to the lazy, crazy and hazy world and lifestyle of Boracay!

We left Manila, via SuperFerry, on Feb. 25 at the height of the PGMA coup plot. We arrived on the island on Feb. 26 at 9 am. We left the morning of Feb. 28, 2006.

Hubby and I decided to go sans the Kulets for our much needed break. Also, we wanted to assess the stress level of the travel so we would know if it is okay to take the kids next year.

Arrival at the port of Dumaguit.

Our first meal on the island was at the Ole! spanish bar and resto,
located right in the middle of the new dMall.
I had lapulapu fillet and mario ordered mixed seafoods, lipsmacking good!
Average cost of meal P250.

Our first Jonah's Fruit Shake, Mango Rhum. Love at first sip...
the ingredients used are all natural and fresh. It is a mystery
how can they shave the ice so fine its as if there aren't any.
When in the island, you must try "the drink that made Boracay", for only P60.

While Mario was busy documenting the sunset, his favorite time of day,
I had this local girl braid my hair for P150.

Boracay sunset, what a beauty! Priceless.

I'll be uploading more pictures soon.

This year's forecast

2006-01-20T15:19:00.000+08:00

This year has a potential of being a great year for me.

Last year was okay, no good!  The best thing that happened was Marcus.  Marc is such a blessing, aside from Gabby, he is one of the few reasons for the bounce in my feet, the smile in my face and the song in my heart.

The positive side of me longs to see the future when my kids are all grown up and have become part of the outside world, the real world.  With the Lord’s guidance, I hope to help them become productive members of the community we call Earth.

Being the Gemini that I am, I have a negative side.  The negative side of me is wary of the small and monumental jokes Fate will throw our way.   I’ve had sleepless nights thinking about a million unfortunate events that could happen to my family, from the mundane – a scratched knee - to the catastrophic – one of my babies being kidnapped.

Yikes!  Motherhood!

Anyways, this year, I forecast more blessings to come our way.  No, not more babies, please…but career and financial blessings.

I am due to transfer to a new job in the company, one that would hopefully bring me towards greater heights.  Despite that odds, details that I dare not share in this blog for fear of retribution, I am hopeful and quite sure that it is a good opportunity and that I have made the right decision.  SuperFerry, here I come!

I also am looking forward to transfer to our home in Cavite.  I know that most of my friends are thinking, why am I looking forward to transferring to Cavite when I am currently living so close to my place of work in Manila.  I just can’t wait to have a house of my own and become Queen of my own domain.  I can’t wait to have my own table, chairs, sofa, TV and most of all my own living room.  It’s gonna be a pretty, little house you’ll see!

Now, if only I will meet someone who can tell me how to generate more income, 2006 will be picture perfect!

Wishful Thinking

2006-01-06T12:03:00.000+08:00

I have here a list of things that I would want to do and have this 2006:

1. Open and maintain a savings account
2. Travel overseas - business or personal
3. Find hair style that suits me
4. Transfer to my Home Sweet Home
5. Say goodbye to atleast one creditor

sowoo-nderful

2006-01-05T10:06:00.000+08:00

Mario and I had a very Jewel-In-The-Palace experience last night.

We decided to go meet up and have dinner someplace. We decided to scout around Macapagal Avenue for a nice place to dine-in instead of going to Makati. We ended up at Harbour Square, across CCP along the Manila Yacht Club.

Harbour Square now has a nice parking space, P30 for the first 3 hours and P10 succeeding hours, gravelled and with parking boys that actually help you park.

Ther are two main buildings within the Square, Block 2 is already filled-up with restos - Dencios, Grappas, Coffee Bean, Pancake House, Rai-Rai Ken, a ShabuShabu house and a bar upstairs called Retro.

Block 1 has still some unoccupied spaces and some under construction. Block 1 houses Starbucks, Tapa King and soon to be opend Icebergs at the ground floor.

At the second floor, is this newly opened establishment that piqued our interest. The logo is undistinguishable below but it looked like a head of a cow in red and black with some oriental markings. So I thought, great a Japanese restaurant! Mario was hesitant at first because the place looked more like a bistro than an ordinary restaurant, a little bit "shala". When we reached the entrance we discovered that the logo was indeed a head of a cow with the words "Little Cow" at the bottom. We assumed that the name of the place was "Little Cow."

Upon entering we were cheerfully greeted by the waitresses "Welcome to Sowoo." I was confused at the beginning but upon closer inspection of the space I found the words Sowoo printed on the walls of the bar. The place looked comfortable, black imitation leather covered the steel chairs, all the tables had an indoor grilling unit in the middle. The tables were nicely set, steel chopsticks and a rather big spoon with white china were laid before you.

We were seated and presented with the menu. I was surprised to again discover that Sowoo is a Korean restaurant not Japanese. The head waiter was very gracious and helped us order, the resto just opened last Jan. 1 and they had a few offers and freebies. We settled on one Fresh Meat, one Flavored Meat and Kimchi Rice. My Jewel-In-The-Palace experience was about to start.

Quickly upon placing our orders, our tea cups were filled with cold water, our drinks came next. Mario ordered Iced Green Tea, he was expecting the generic tea being served in japanese fast food restos. However the Iced Green Tea that was served to him had the very distinct aroma of sampaguita and the taste of it too. I told him that I was having the urge to dip my fingers in it and make the sign of the cross. And too it he added, "Parang ang linis-linis ko everytime I take a sip." for it really reminds you of the holy water found in churches where you dip your hands upon entering.

Shortly, a waitress started delivering platefulls of condiments: quail eggs, kimchi, tofu, spinach, an assortment of green leaves (lettuce and sesame leaves), a spicy salad, shredded squid and a spicy paste. Mario and I started tasting each morsel and they tasted great! Before the waitress came back with the meats, the condiments were half gone, to our surprise, again, the condiments were being replenished.

Our attendant placed a metal bowl with burning stones in it inside the recess found in the middle of our table and covered it with the metal grill. One by one the slices fresh meat was placed on it along with several vegetables - mushrooms, onions, garlic, camote and something that I have never quite seen before. When the meat was cooked, the attendant asked us to choose a leaf and put in on our plate. I chose a sesame leaf and Mario a lettuce, the attendant placed a slife of beef on our leaves and proceeded to put the condiments on it too. Once done she asked us to roll the leaf and have a taste. Let me tell you, the first bite was quite an experience. The sesame leaf was surprisingly sweet, the meat was tender and all the condiments when put together just tasted so good and blended well. Our dinner went on with that ritual, the attendant patiently grilling the meats and cutting-up bite size pieces and creating our little rolls.

Sometime during the middle of the meal, the manager of the store, a Korean woman, approached our table and engaged us in small talk. She graciously asked how we are liking the food and if we will recommend the place to our friends.

I recommend that you guys try it, a respite from the other restaurants that you've been to. I did not only leave the place with a full stomach, I also had a happy feeling with me when I left.

Sowoo-nderful!

Christmas sa Pinas

2005-12-22T10:21:00.000+08:00

I know, I know. There's been hundreds of articles written about how we Filipinos celebrate Christmas but please, let me vent.

Is there any other place in this freaking world that celebrate Christmas this crazy? This past few days I have been secretly wishing - but actually no I don't want to be - that I am pregnant. Pregnancy is a disability which exempts you to participate in this crazy Filipino Christmas ritual.

The Parties - it all starts on Dec. 1. Twenty four days before the actual holiday, people start celebrating. From then on it is a non-stop party. At the office, we celebrate by department, then by division, then by groups, then there are office friends that you have to meet up with during lunch or a quick dinner so you can exchange gifts.

Ofcourse, if you are a real social animal, you have parties for your ex-office mates, college buddies, parish friends, badminton mates, homeowners association members, etc. Not to mention the duty-bound parties that you must attend whether you like or not - boyfriend's family dinner, sister-in-law's barkada party, spouse's family christmas party, spouse's company christmas party. Are you getting my drift? There is practicaly not enough days in december to fit all the parties that you need to go to.

Shopping - Where else on earth does anyone need to prepare for gift-shopping like you're a soldier headed for battle?

Rubber shoes? Check.
Shorts or pants with many pockets? Check.
Comfortable shirt? Check.
Big bag to carry items? Check.
Mineral water? Check.
ATM Card? Check.

After that, you mentally prepare yourself for what is to come - a mass of people elbowing and pushing each other, pickpockets who will rob you if for a second you bring your guard down, long qeues at the cashier, even longer qeues at the nearest fast food store. After shopping, with sack-full of items you need to startegize and think how to outwit other commuters to get a cab, if successful, then bargain with the cab driver on how much to add on the meter.

Now of course this scenario doesn't happen for a just a day. You actually spend three to four days at the mall or bazaar to complete your gift list. Not to mention the occassional Divisoria trip for bargains and cheap gift wrappers and boxes.

Gift wrapping and Gift giving - After buying all those stuff your next problem is how to wrap them all up. After putting your feet to the test with all those shopping, now its time for your hands, eyes and back muscles to get a work out. Between the parties, shopping and your work - yes, we still find time to work - there is practically no time to do the wrapping. So, you bring them to work, batch by batch, so you can wrap them during lunch and break time. You wrap them while answering the phone and in-between tasks.

Sometimes gifts are wrapped inside a car or taxi on the way to a party. There are nights that you don't sleep just to be able to finish all the wrapping.

A few days before the 24th, gifts start flying. Admin help in the office become delivery elves going floor to floor to deliver gifts. The elevator get stuck at the ground floor while hundreds of ham and grocery items for employees gets loaded. You can't find people at their workstations because they are dutifully handing out gifts to friends.

Haay, pag ang pasko ay sumapit talaga. Lahat naloloka.

Where else do you spend Christmas like this? Sa Pilipinas lang my friend.

It just is.

2005-12-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

I recently installed Winamp in my computer and downloaded some R&B songs.  One from India.Arie I liked, the tile was “I am not my hair.”  A sample of its lyrics below:

I am not my hair.
I am not this skin.
I am not your expectation, no.
I am the soul that lives within.

I remembered when I was young and was still struggling to make my soul be seen.

Growing up with three brothers did not make me a girlie-girl, instead, I became one-of-the-boys, both in action and appearance.

When I reached my teen years, I was enrolled in an exclusive school despite our stringent budget.  It was my parents’ silent prayer that I learn how to act and make myself look more ladylike.  Being ever the dutiful child, I tried to fulfill their wish.  I tried to copy and blend-in with all the other girls at school.  I sported the “raven hair” with my can of Aqua Net, powdered my face with Angel Breath powder, sprayed myself with Angel Breath cologne and copied how the in-crowd wore their uniforms but in so doing, I ended-up more insecure than ever.

I was one of the tallest girls in my batch, I am not mestiza and I cannot (won’t) emulate the girls’ pa-girl mannerisms.  (Sobrang a-arte!)  And I was shocked how mature they were in terms of having relationships.  I couldn’t make a boy look at me even If I started doing back flips.

So secretly, I started hating them.  I started to reject shopping for clothes, shoes and everything else closely related to fashion.  Realizing that the situation is going down hill, my mother decided that we needed the help of a professional.   John Robert Powers.

The course was “Personality Development and Basic Modeling”, it was a life changing experience for me.  They changed my posture, changed my hair, changed the shape of my eyebrows, changed the way I talk, changed the way I ate until I became perfect, a perfect walking and talking John Robert Powers advertisement.  But I don’t have any hang-ups, actually I am grateful, at John Robert Powers I learned how to walk and talk with confidence.

After graduating from high school I enrolled myself at Pamantasan Ng Lunsod Ng Maynila.  Again, it was a life changing experience.  The school, my professors and my classmates, changed me, not physically but within.  I gained knowledge, not only academic knowledge but hard facts about life itself.  It was a far cry to the enclosed environment I had during high school.  At PLM I learned that a person of beauty is incomparable to a person of worth.

Beauty everywhere is something that all of us hope to achieve, wish to have.  But sometimes, real beauty, those who and things that really make us happy are wrapped-up in ungainly packages.

I am not trying to make a point, it just is.

Youve come a long way, babe.

2005-11-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

This very same day ten years ago, if someone - even a telepathic, omniscient and ethereal-looking Cassiopeia - told me that not a decade would pass and I will find myself married, with two kids and a career in IT, I will not be convinced, nope, not by a long shot.

I woke up this morning with a noisy baby kicking my backside, I wondered, how the hell did I end up on this side of the universe?

Flashback – the kind that we only see in the movies, after the protagonist finds him/herself miraculously healed of amnesia. All memories quickly floods in leaving the person dazed, wide-eyed, mouth agape, and with a great big jolt at the end, WHAM!

“I’m a mommy! Twice!”

After having survived the realization, I pulled myself off from bed, changed a diaper, checked if other offspring is still breathing, made a silent prayer of thanksgiving, kissed husband off to work, and wished that Yaya would wake up 10 minutes earlier today.

Now, at work, reflecting on the past 10 years, I wish I have a cig on my fingers. I’d give a long drag and with a smirk, tell myself…”You’ve come a long way babe…”

Stop me, before i hurt myself!

2005-11-10T17:28:00.000+08:00

You know that the holiday season is fast approaching when people starts getting agitated at the mere mention of the words outing, party, shopping, vacation. Minds instantly jump starts, planning and imagining how Christmas this year would be like, where to spend and with whom to spend it with.

I've got several plans tucked-up for the holidays, nothing definite yet, but everything's on the works. Just got a few glitches that i need to iron out and fast!

Our department is planning a trip to Tagaytay on the 26th, its been the topic over lunch for the past two weeks already. Needless to say, everyone is excited. Just got to convince Mario to drive for us.

Mario and I are planning a trip to Subic this holiday. We have a problem on accommodation. There's 17 of us coming, where on earth are we going to get a house big enough?

I promised my mom and my sisters that they are going to Davao this holiday. Thanks to SuperFerry for the privelege pass. All i've got to do is convince my dad that the 3-day-and-2-nights trip isn't really that long once your onboard.

And shopping! I want to go to the World Bazaar, Divisoria, Nike (Mario's shoes), Power Books (Gabby and Marc's gifts), and any other tiangge or bazaar that my feet could take me. But Mario already warned me that he might not have a 13th month bonus this year. I'm on a limited budget and my gift database is still bare.

I'm on Christmas overdrive and my gas is low.

Smiles that make everything a-ok!

2005-10-29T17:06:00.000+08:00

Our department arranged a Trick or Treat! party for our kids. They visited four floors within the building. The activity was a great success, I was harassed, tired and thirsty afterwards but after looking at my babies' photos, it made everything alright.

Marc with her Ninang Joskee

Gabby and Marc, my two angels!

My two boys with Ninang Ruby and Molly.
Read Ruby's blogs at www.mollys-mom.blogspot.com.

It was Gabby and Marc's first Trick or Treat! party, and it is during times like this that I swear why becoming a Mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. It is a tough role to bear, but looking at your kids' smiling, glowing faces, makes the challenge a-ok.

On being left...II

2005-10-22T11:25:00.000+08:00

Last night Maam Sharyn, received news that his father passed away. She was talking over her mobile, in the middle of a meeting when we suddenly heard her crying, great sobs of anguish. When I got to her table, and saw her, her hands over her face, her body heaving while taking in air in-between sobs, shaking her head and silently repeating the words "No, no..." as if by doing so things that happened can be reversed, I knew and felt that somebody close to her died. It was exactly how Mario looked like a year ago, when he got the news from his sister that Tatay died after a heart failure.

It was a very sad moment, I couldn't image the pain of losing a parent, actually I don't want to imagine losing any. But I pray that when the time comes, for it will come no matter how much I deny it, that God would give me the inner strength to cry, scream or wail my pain. I have this image of me just closing-in, dead and numb.

Old friends from CSI

2005-10-21T16:18:00.000+08:00

I called an old friend last Monday, Doyit, and we gossiped about an ex co-worker from CSI. The conversation brought a lot of fond memories of old friends I met when I was still working in the agency.

You see Creative Synergy, Inc. or CSI is a small agency that was created to serve the marketing needs of the local IT industry. It was run by Mr. Romano, patriarch of the Romano family and of CSI, hence the agency was run as a family business and everyone was treated like part of the family. For three and a half years it was my second home.

The staff was a motley crew of men and women; each individual was so different from the other, it is a wonder how we ever survived each other. On some days the craziness would escalate, especially when there was a big project ahead, or when John did something crazy, then things would really get out of hand. You could, if you’re lucky, witness someone getting a seizure causing a minor disturbance where some of the boys will be carrying the patient out to the nearest hospital and another girl screaming directions like a football coach in halftime. Or, there was a time when I was nearly whacked by an officemate with a yard-long metal ruler! Actually looking back I think his intention was to kill, but a split-second decision saved me, he probably thought I was not worth the jail time. My near death experience was caused by a certain client named Mr. Valentine. Yes, things could get dangerous in CSI, but those were the most fun years I had during my whole working-life.

Some of the things that I miss:
- the stairwell and the two-cigs-long breaks
- kwek-kwek and squid ball meriendas
- occasional beer sessions at Guijo
- ingress and egress
- Baguio Christmas party
- assisting backstage
- my favorite clients: the Rotary guy, Imee Marcos and Mara & Marie of ECR
- arguing with Mike
- peeping tom sessions at the 6th floor
- Doyit, Ella, Mike, Summer, Ria, John, Emil, Bry, Roma & Weng

Below are some photos of us during our spectacular Christmas party in Baguio way back when.

Myself, Bry, Ella & Ria

(clockwise from top) Bry, Weng, Ella, Myself & Roma

Myself, Weng & Ria

Ria, Bry, Myself, Summer & Doyit

Ria, Mike, Bry and Myself

On Being Left

2005-10-12T15:06:00.000+08:00

My husband left last Sunday for a week-long official stay at their Boston headquarters. Looks like this will be the first of a many trips he will be taking as a requirement of his new post as Worldwide Safety and Environment Engineer for a semi-conductor company.

Prior to his trip, I was filled with the usual feeling of apprehension that many people feel upon presented with the idea of being left alone. But my apprehension stems from the thoughts that I keep pushing at the back of my mind. Terrorism. A freak accident. Natural disaster. Sickness. Amnesia (as a result of watching too many telenovelas). Murphy’s Law. I kept on imagining that one of these will strike my unsuspecting husband and will make his safe trip back home impossible. Silly right?

Why is it every time that someone close to us leaves us, whether temporary or permanent, we also lose our sense of security?

On people leaving, I’ve had my share.

Just this week, my good friend Ruby left our department and our floor. She now works at the 12th floor; I miss her and our silly wife and mommy conversations. We’ve got much in common - our friends, babies, and our desperation...

Read her blogs at http://www.mollys-mom.blogspot.com/.

I was blessed with great in-laws, but as everything good has its end, both of them were taken away from us last year. Tatay’s 1st year death anniversary was 27th of last month. We are still waiting for Nanay’s turn on February 3, 4 months from now. Both their deaths was a great tragedy and loss to the family, we will never be quite the same without them.

Last night, we were surprised and saddened by the news that our uncle, Nanay’s brother-in-law, passed away in Ilocos.

All my 3 younger brothers, with whom I was very close, are living and working over seas. When they left, I was filled with bitter sadness knowing that they aren’t my baby brothers anymore but, grown men looking forward to starting their own lives.

We have created a circle around us; composed of our family and a few that we consider to be good friends. And this circle defines our lives, who we are. And every time one of them leaves, a link is taken away and our circle is broken. Somehow, that link, that person, is irreplaceable. Maybe, that is why we are filled with apprehension, knowing that losing our circle means losing our very selves. What we are, what defines us.

Without our family, our friends, people that we have shared our lives with, we are nothing.

Introducing...the kulets!

2005-10-10T18:12:00.000+08:00

Ofcourse its just a matter of time before I introduce to the whole blogging-world my two reasons-for-living, love-of-my-life, hunny-bunny-rabbits, Marc and Gabby!

Having babies is not something that I would recommend to just about anybody. But nothing else on the face of this blue planet can compare to the experience of having one.

Coffee with Morrie - II

2005-10-05T16:55:00.000+08:00

"Whatda...!" i stopped after nearly colliding with a fishball stall. "Doggammit!" i muttered to myself and "Ay sorry!" to the fishball vendor. I quickly turned left, stepped forward, stopped to check if i was going to the right direction. "Vito Cruz, EDSA, Shaw, Vito Cruz, EDSA, Shaw..." i kept repeating, until i was infront of the station counter where i bought my ticket.

Morrie was totally useless during the entire trip. Instead i continued to mull over the thoughts i previously had, the one that had caused me a near accident with a fishball stand. Actually, i've been wrestling for days with the idea to wheter continue the Cold War between me and my better half, and if not, what's the best way to end it?

"Shaw station..." the train operator jerked me right out of my thoughts. My stop. Finally! Quickly, i stepped out of the train and joined the mass of people bent on being the first one to step on the escalator. Armed with my body-twisting and balancing skills, i charged-on to my destination.

At Starbucks, my friend Liezel has not arrived yet. My cellphone informed me that she was on her way and will be there in about 30 minutes. Okay, that means 45 minutes max, "looks like Morrie will be of use after all, got to order if i intend to stay inside the shop" i told myself. After getting my Capuccino and chocolate cake, i found a seat near the windows right across a bunch of coeds who looked like they were doing their homework.

I started reading Morrie while eating forkfulls of chocolate cake and drinking my capuccino. I was flipping through the chapters to see how long each of them were when my eyes settled on a line that read "Love is the only rational act.", and I felt something that only 2 shots of Espresso can do! A sudden realization that there, written on the pages was the answer to my problem.

The only rational answer to my problem is to love and keep on loving. This was an AHA! moment, a moment, as explained by Oprah, when an idea, or something moved you and inspired you to do something good for yourself and for others. Do the only rational act, keep loving, stop Cold war. Fine. But how?

I turned again to Morrie, hoping that again, its pages will reveal another answer.

A few pages after, another line, another thought from Morrie struck me. This time i wasn't able to stop myself from muttering the words, "Oh-my-gosh!". Self-conciously i looked up to see if the coeds heard me, nope, still busy with their homework. But i felt like a bucket of water was poured right on my head.

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see,

you have to believe what you feel.

And if you ever have other people to trust you,

you must feel you can trust them too-

even when you are in the dark.

Even when you're falling."

I was in the dark. In terms of my relationship with my husband, i didn't know if we've come to the point that it's the best it could ever be. I felt that i cannot trust him anymore to make our life and our relationship better. I was falling - allowing myself to fall out of love.

This was the point when i stopped reading and just allowed my new thoughts to swirl inside my head. Then i realized that people who are looking at me must think that the caffeine is starting to kick-in, 'cause i was speed-eating the slice cake infront of me. As i put down my fork, i promised myself to just close my eyes this time and open my heart. If i cannot believe what i see, i should turn to what i can still feel. I've got to trust.

Coffee with Morrie

2005-10-03T18:47:00.000+08:00

I was going to meet a friend at Starbucks last Sunday, it was a bummer but I had to. Sunday is “the” rest day but I had to leave the house, take the train, then another to get to my destination. Since the trip was inevitable, I thought might as well make it bearable. A book! The inexperienced LRT/MRT-rider in me thought that it would be sanely possible to read a book while in it. (Evidently, it would require considerable body-twisting skill to alight one and an even advanced skill in balancing to stay upright once in it!) Moving on…I grabbed my old but unread copy of “Tuesdays with Morrie”, short and easy to read, I thought that it was really my best bet for train survival.

So off I went, book in tow.

As I walked towards the nearest station, I started talking – to myself. A habit of the absent-minded. I’ve always took pleasure in walking since I find that I could think better, analyze things, resolve matters by myself better when I am walking. As if upon each step, issues and problems are resolved and pealed away from my back. The feel of the wind on my cheeks and the coolness at the back of my neck gives me better perspective on matters at hand. The problem is, I lose my sense of direction.

After turning right from Leon Guinto to Dagonoy street and finally Taft, my memory told me its best to turn left towards Vito Cruz station. But while the conversation was going on inside my head coupled with the traffic noise outside, my feet got the better of me and took off towards Quirino station and turned right.

To be continued…

Take a deep breath...then dive!

2005-10-03T14:43:00.000+08:00

I remembered how it was during my swimming classes in college, our instructor was teaching us how to dive from the edge of the pool. Looking at my classmates I was amazed to see how it was so easy for them to do it. They copied the instructor’s pose – hands on your sides, one leg for the thrust, the other one for support, head first, then jump – and they did. But, not me. Not yet.

I was rigid, scared and ashamed. I couldn’t get the pose right, drowning was a great possibility, and I was the tallest in class for goodness sake! Inside me an argument was taking place.

“Just jump you big oaf!”
“Ohhhhh, no, just give me another minute.”
“Jump!”
“No, please. Mother!”
“You look pretty stupid half-standing, half-squatting at the edge of the pool
in your ugly bathing suit!”
“But, uh….”
“Everybody’s looking at you. Jump!”

And finally, I took a deep breath, then, half-flying, half-slipping, with the gracefulness of a moose, I jumped.

Funny, getting started with this blog felt just the same.